Reshaping habits is hard work
Yet the rewards are aplenty
Humans love to set goals. We make to-do lists, we set New Year resolutions, we plan for the future.
Taking action on the goals? Achieving them? Maybe we don’t love that process as much.
According to Baylor College of Medicine, 88% of people who set New Year resolutions, give up in the first two weeks. We are creatures of habit. We settle into our own personal status quo, and it’s hard to break free of our own self-imposed limitations.
How many goals have I started and left unfinished? If there was a way to count, it would be a staggering number. Goals – like finally creating a daily workout routine, starting meditation, learning French – have all been floating around my head for years.
When I graduated from college, over a decade ago, I made a list of 101 goals to accomplish in 1001 days. This was when I was young and motivated and had plenty of time on my hands. I actually made a report every month of my progress! How many goals did I check off? Nine. Nine!! Not even 10% of my total goals. Some were “in progress,” but others I didn’t even touch during the three years that I was meant to finish this personal project. Looking back on the list, there’s actually a good bit I’d still like to accomplish.
A few still relevant goals from the list:
Learn to play piano
Learn to garden (to be fair, I have attempted this many times but never made it very far)
Learn to sew
Drink a full glass of water first thing every morning
Master Photoshop
And sure, 101 goals was a lofty objective. A lot of the goals really faded from relevance as I spent my early twenties actually discovering who I was as a person. But here’s what I can say – the goals that I accomplished did help shape me into a better person.
A few achieved goals:
Make your bed every morning
Stop reading celebrity gossip sites (my OG doom scroll)
Start donating blood regularly
Start paying attention to politics and form your own ideas
Making a list of goals seems to be the easy part, but I want to also acknowledge this – sometimes you don’t even have it in you to set the goal.
A goal mindset
A few years ago, I stopped making New Year Resolutions. Frankly, I just wanted to do the bare minimum – stay healthy, get a good night's rest, and spend quality time with my family. Maybe this attitude veered on depression, or maybe I was just tired of always chasing – and failing – goals.
I listened to Dax Shepard on his podcast say one time that he is the type of person that always finds opportunities to better himself. This includes his diet, his workout routine, journaling, and being a better friend, a better partner, a better parent. My gut reaction when he said this: major eye roll.
Then, I sat with my feelings. I realized that, ultimately, I’m just jealous. I want to be a better person, but the action part doesn’t come as easy to me.
And I guess, as the 88% new year resolution failure rate shows, I’m not in the minority here. We have the capacity to dream up a better version of ourselves. Maybe we even go so far as setting a goal and laying out the actions to get to that goal. Yet, when it comes to following through, we fall short.
Reshaping habits is hard work. I’m not saying we’re lazy humans. But, I’m not not saying we’re lazy humans. It goes back to my conversation on multitasking. We want to achieve success in the least amount of time with the least amount of effort.
If you could walk into a room and put your hands on a piano and suddenly you knew how to play expertly, you’d do it in a heartbeat wouldn’t you? Or let’s say there was a special helmet that you could put on for five minutes, and after the timer is up, you’re fluent in French. Let’s up the ante – you walk into a pilates room, and immediately you can do all the moves. Your abs are shaping up in seconds! By the end of the workout, you have a six pack!
A fantasy universe, of course. One that probably has some insane apocalyptic, Black Mirror-esque ending. But it sounds nice at surface level, no?
Okay, so we really have to put in the work. And to do so, we have to stay motivated every single day.
The juice is worth the squeeze
It sounds daunting, but remaining dedicated to your goals is the only path through if you really want to better yourself. I’ve spent this whole essay talking about generic goals, but if you’re reading this, it’s probably because you want to reshape your relationship with technology. Here’s where I’ll be blunt – you cannot achieve this goal without putting in the hard work every damn day. You can find freedom, but you have to be ready to work. You need to rewire your brain, break the dopamine loop, and sometimes, take a longer and less efficient path to your end goal.
What does this mean in practice?
Showing up every day:
Keep your goals at the forefront of your mind every day. Maybe this means you have a visual reminder somewhere prominent in your home, maybe you’re setting up a daily alert reminding you to continue forward on your path.
Check in with your progress. See what’s working and what’s not working. Where are you slipping – is it a certain time of the day or a setting? How can you shift in that moment to make better choices tomorrow?
Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable
Picking up your phone to scroll when you’re bored or anxious or sad will only continue the spiral – even if it feels good at first. You have to be prepared to face those feelings head on. Sit with your anxiety or sadness. Breathe and try to acknowledge it, not fight it. Be bored! It’s good to practice being bored!
Giving yourself grace
You show up every day, but remember – change is cumulative. You will slip up. You might redownload that dreaded app or spend a night watching video after video. Mistakes happen. Start again the next day. Keep the big picture in mind, always.
If you’ve read this far, you might be thinking – this sounds like a lot of work. I’m not sugar coating the process. The end result is worth the effort. I’m not just talking about reshaping your relationship with technology, I mean reshaping your habits and becoming a goal-oriented human being.
Setting goals allows you to design the life you want to live, instead of letting life happen to you. It allows you to focus on things you deem important. Creating goals provides motivation and accountability. And while accomplishing your goals requires effort and dedication, what you’re doing is creating new, healthy habits. These things will become as integrated into your life as making your bed, as brushing your teeth. You’re sowing the seeds to create the future you desire.
It goes back to my favorite Mary Oliver poem – a theme here on my little corner of the Internet – Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
You can opt for complacency or you can strive for betterment. Every day, you have the choice.
Hi reader. In the coming weeks, I’m launching a new reader Q&A series. If you have a question about digital minimalism or starting your own journey to break free from the internet, shoot me a message at the link below.